crumbled

6 days down, only 4 more left.

It's been totally unfruitful since the day the break began.
wasn't expecting such futile holiday, thought i'd be at least a little more aggressive.

1 lab report,
2 upcoming tests,
10+ left-behind lectures to catch up,
the part-time job matter,
things that should've be done before this break...

anyway, just to update a little of my procrastination status.
was facebooking and stumbled upon this news piece one of my friends posted.
not a close friend, but the story, it feels like as if i'm in it..
(feel sorry for this friend)

我有一个很爱我很爱我的婆婆。她一手把我带大。我从小她就非常的疼我。
每天回到家，她都会煮好午餐等待我们，一直到中学一直都没有改变。她年龄已经接近90了，可是每天都还是煮饭给我们吃。而且我都知道其实她中午就饿了，可是她汪汪都会忍耐，因为她要等我们-她的孙子回家，和她一起吃饭。我们每天回到家都已经是接近三点了，可是她总是风雨不改的等待我们，为我们开门。我很生气自己为什么那么爱发她的脾气。她不小心睡着，忘了开门，我们往往就会摆出不开心的脸。她站也已经站不稳了，耳朵也听得不是很清楚，可是她总是帮忙我们打理家里的一切一切。因为她总说没事做她会很不自在。她每次跟我们说道理，我们总是左耳进右耳出，有时可能会觉得不耐烦，现在想起真的觉得自己很过分。最近她在家里跌倒，进了医院，我当时听到真的吓了一大跳。可是前几天，她的状况总算变好了，出院了。那时我也比较安心了。可是，我还没机会和她说说电话，因为她的听力变得跟弱了。我刚刚收到我姐的简讯得知她今天早上睡了之后都叫不醒，因为她中风了。我当时听到我真的吓到了。我真的不知道我该怎么办。我真的真的好想回去看她！我很想念她！为什么我现在不在她的身边。。我除了哭，我还能做什么？？？希望她会安全的度过这一切。婆婆，我爱你！


it left me speechless. emotional.
i too have a grandma, not as aged, but does exactly the same things as my friend's grandma does.
i too sometimes vent my resentment at her, for no reason.

it left me thinking,
what if that's my grandma? what if she falls down from the stairs?
what if.. loads of what ifs started popping up.
i should feel lucky to have my grandma still alive and still staying healthy.
i mean, what was i thinking when i yelled at her or said something disrespectful to her.

i once told her that the shirt she bought for me was so hideous that there was no way in hell i was gonna wear it on the first day of cny. i was annoyed, those words just came up of nowhere, not being filtered, all spilt. that hurt. i was shocked that i'd say that, i felt terrible. i was hurt, she was, too, hurt, even worse. despite, she replied with composure, went to shower. i immediately felt like a jerk, an ass, a bitch, satan. figured i was way wrong, picked up my huge smile waiting until she came downstairs. things went fine when i talked and laughed like shit to her afterwards.

I did wear that shirt on cny.

I ♥ my grandma