Will I stay or will I go?

I don't know..I don't know how long i can take this..it's gonna burst out of nowhere..but I don't want to..I really don't want to...
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Well here's another thing, not the crazy grumble above, totally not related, so please, don't senka senka imagine everything thanks =p It's about my future, again. Was chatting with my mum through MSN few days ago, as I expected, the "will i stay or will i go" thing was brought up, which I try so hard to stave off. yea, i'm too a coward to face reality. She then mentioned something about IMU, which is a great medical school in Malaysia. She found out (actually my aunt who pays all my fees did) that IMU actually offers Biomedical Science degree (yup the thing i'm doing) but it's a brand new course, will be commencing next year or something. Gees! of course i don't want to study in KL (no offense to people studying in KL), nothing much, just that i simply don't like KL, that's it.

Well we had a pretty serious talk (which is so not my style lol) about my future. I told her the thing that I might want to pursue my master degree after i graduate this Biomed thing, get a PR and get a job something, and then we carried on with another half an hour crap of, again, stuff about my future, kept telling me to be serious and be independent, who doesn't know! i mean, it's not easy to just step up like that, and the thing is, it feels kinda weird that i'm becoming an adult, dealing with my own stuff, starting to worry about life, so and so..sooner or later i'm gonna deal with all these cruel inhumane unethical life-sucking-problems, i know..yea, i know..and i will.. anyway, we then chatted about the utterly sucky economy nowadays and inevitably MONEY was dragged into our conversation. yea economy is deteriorating like it never had before, which sucks.

I got this surge of courage at that particular moment and i told my mum that "I don't want to go to KL" and there it was, she told me that she doesn't want me to go also, considering career opportunities and other fucking matters. Well honestly i was god-damningly glad at the moment hearing this sort of thing, but life doesn't always go the way you want it to, she then mentioned the fact that economy sucks and it's not easy for her to ask any more money from my aunt (though i'll pay her back when i work but...). My mum then "cited" the best quote of all time, "do the best, expect the worst" and if it really doesn't work, i'll really have to go to IMU or other institutions next year. In the end, we had an agreement, she gave me 2 weeks time to gather all the information i could about the PR thing and details about the course and my plan, to "support" the point that i'm staying so to facilitate my PR application in the future when she "debates" with my aunt. Lol! that sounds serious but it's not lol..my mum said she'll talk to my aunt that i'm staying for XXX reason and is for the best blah blah. So, yea..the biggest homework ever..

It's been few days and i've been doing research, little research. Nothing much, browsing through IMU website, squandering time, typical me lol, will continue this research thing, it's tough but i'ma pull this through! I seriously am. All the best to myself! I really really really hope that i cn stay, i know it's really expensive studying here but i'm gonna work harder in the future to pay back whatever debts (if there is any). I wanna stay..