frustration. so knackered. the guilt. pharyngitis.

woke up. thought it was gonna be a good day despite the little sore throat that struck me for no reason.. perhaps to do with the late nights? only God knows..

the day went by.. more like the arvo went by. the sickness was getting more and more fucked up. felt like as if something was draining every bit of me. now i'm feeling like a poodle waiting to be fucked. so knackered..

went to two 21st birthday parties last night. gratz on turning 21 Kaman and Waen Yien ;) grown-up..yea! both so awesome. with the first one feeling a little out of place though..i was the only one from different class after all. not the only one but the only quiet freakazoidal one. so typical me hah.. the second party, went up to papar, drove all the way there (someone else did.me the passenger coolness).. aweshome.. 'twas all fun..

one thing though. promised my friend that i'd go to ice bar for the after party of the first birthday gal..and the thing was that i received the invitation to the 'papar-ish party' the day before y'day. PARTY CLASHES DETECTED. so.. i did what i do best.. to please every party, i had to bail on the ice bar thing and attended the first part of the party instead.was a dinner gathering sort of party btw. that way i could make it to papar for the second party of the night.

that..somehow..pissed my friend off. sorry laura. hope you had great deal of fun last night..

and so yea the parties last night. oh and about the house hunting matter.. one of my house-hunting angels, olivia's got us a place.. it's her uncle's. well..in fact..she's always been the ONE house-hunting angel hahaaa. yea. the place's at Osborne park..somewhere northie yet close to the city..i spose. the rent is.. $170/week for the whole unit. a two-room unit. YES! God is amazing. God is so good. thanked God for that like immensely.. so i thought we got the house and was spreading the news around. only to find out that it hasn't been confirmed yet.

i started worrying. worrying that the house's given to someone else. worrying that we might not get the house. together with the sickness the sore throat. the last-minute-bailing-on-laura guilt. the worry that the primary school little get-together tonight might not go as well as i hope it would be. all these.. are tiring me out.. LEAVE ME ALONE tiredness! i'm tired of being tired :(

i remember one thing though. got this from the senior pastor of Glory church. he once mentioned that out of the things we worry about, 70% of which never happen, 20% of which happen but can be solved/prevented, 10% of which happen and you can't do anything about it. so..WHY WORRY? pray to God and do your best and there's nothing to be worry about. but..it's my nature to worry.over-worry. i'm always so worried. stop. being. worried. thank you.

something i wanted to say but kinda forgot.. but yea. feeling much better babbling out all these. :) thanks for reading if you are reading. thank you. bye now.

add-on. the thing i 'kinda forgot' earlier on.. perhaps it's just me but recently, when i talk to the ladies, i feel like i'm hitting on them.like..flirting. whatever i say, when i look back, it just sounds flirtatious for some reason. this is a serious matter. i don't flirt.

fluctuation

blogging at this time of the night. can't be anything good.

i've been feeling deliriously emotionally unstable the whole night. the kind of icky feeling i loathe the most.

call it the post-exams trauma or whatever.
nothing remotely related to exams though..

well. technically speaking. it's still about exams after all. exams in general.

nah. not me. i never fail in exams. i'm a nerd. a nerd never flunks academically.

right. the 'fluctuation'..

perhaps i'm like zonked out after a whole day out of choir practice, maccas-ing, supposedly haircut session turned into aimless wandering around the city, karaoke session, and now newspaper-house-hunting..

prolly just too much for a day. FOR ME.
well of course.. with some 'external factors' contributing to the damn fool 'fluctuation' of mood.

stupidity to its finest.

why do i even get upset over such trivial matters.

what a bitch..

vague much? i know. am aware of the vagueness. exactly the whole point of blogging isn't it :)
aahh. the beauty of being indistinct. love it! :)

seriously. there's something with blogging. i def feel better letting all the bottom-of-the-heart craps out here. something.. something.. oh well.

gotta get back to house-hunting. need some luck here.

at this time of the night..

i'm tired of everything..

so everything.. in this world.

i'm not gonna shoot myself in my throat/bang my head against the wall/slit my own wrist.. so worry not.

just.. at this time of the night. i'm tired.
just.. at this time of the night. i think a lot. A LOT. mostly random stuff though. still.. depressing thoughts come flooding in like always. at this time of the night.

tired of assignments. tired of uni. tired of being tired..

all these feelings are gonna be gone when i wake up in the morning hearing the chirping birds get penetrated by sunlight. awesome.

tired..

the following weeks are gonna be so completely full-on. like full-on full-on.
i've got one lab report due this thursday. one test this friday.
one assignment due next tuesday. another 2000-word essay and one lab report due the same friday.
then a lab report due the thursday after.
followed by a 50% exam on the monday after. another two tests on the same friday.
still.. not done yet.
a major report due the monday after. and a final assignment due the same tuesday.

*two weeks to study for exams*

exams.

this is depressing.

haven't started any of the things stated above. awesome.

g'nite.

whatever title it is..

vulnerability is what i'm feeding on atm.

lately, i feel SO depressed like all of a sudden.for some reason. sitting in my room. facebooking. doing nothing. PAMM. depressed..

wonder if i've contracted some sort of neurologic diseases.. schizophrenia perhaps. beware of ME.
probably that's why my hands have been shaking like popcorn machine for the past 19 years. i have yet-to-surface awesome disease. an awesome one.

rant rant rant..

what's the purpose of living anyway.. not that i'm having thoughts of committing suicide. just wondering. well of course other than to serve God.what else? i'm lost..

:)

cor blimey! english accent's hot ;) so bloody scorching HOT. random much huh. ...

friends come and go. they do. do they? well not for me but.it seems like that to me.. like one day all my friends are gonna leave me. i'ma die alone. on my tombstone " lonely old man with no friends who died in a car accident while roller-blading"

so many thoughts running through my head right now. random thoughts. not so random thoughts. some serious thoughts. i'm never a serious person am i.. how pathetic hah..

future. what about future? to be a doctor? a janitor? to get married? or not?
near future. what about it? still slacking like the filthy rich's kid?

i know i'm awesome..

maybe not so.........

it's just one of those moments where you feel like everyone in the world hates you. i still love myself though. no matter what :) *narcissism to its finest*

going to A.S.I.A Cocktail tonight. one of the most well-known annual fob events. it's gonna be packed to the rafters.seriously.2000+ ppl? drunk-dancing on the dancefloor? don't think so..

prolly it's just me. i want my friends to care about me like i care about them. even on some teeny trivial inconspicuous matters. i want them to SHOW me that they care. call me a sensitive emotional douchebag. whatever.

oh. i've been doing this one thing since i can remember. i'm a people-pleaser :) have i ever said no to any favor? people-pleaser i am. a pp who never expresses his stupid struggling self, who always presents himself as a happy-go-lucky TLN. feel sad? bury the sadness.keep it down as much as possible and put on a typical hypocritical grin. .... thought it was a good thing though hah..

emo much? :) feel so much better. just wanted to find some way to 'share' my feelings.at the same time thought i should really update this crappy blog a little. though no one's reading anyway hah..

that's all for now. don't forget, i'm awesome.

Memorial speech for Mr.陈乐轩 (lol)

超级星光大道! as always i'm a big fan of the show, i still am.. not sure if i will be but anyway, ever since season 1 i never felt pity for those who got eliminated cos they should be (lol). Like i said i'm always a 星光 fan, i watch basically every single episode since season 1, it was good back then, but when it came to season 2..and 3, it got a little too hoaxy at times and that somewhat crazed me out, eg unfairreasonable given marks.. despite the "fraudulence", i kept on watching and now season 4's in the run, to be honest i kinda like season 4 cos it feels like season 1, the purity the truthfulness the talent or whatever it is that i got fascinated when for the first time i watched 星光.

I just finished watching the latest episode with the last 9 standing, and one of my fave contestants of the season got eliminated! I nearly wept the moment he was certified..it was him and the other guy that didn't pass the set mark which was 18, and they battled by singing a song in 30 seconds, the one with lower mark would get kicked out and it was him! 陈乐轩! sadness man.. my heart was like being whipped intemperately when other contestants cried so like the ugliest pigs for his elimination.. he's one of my top 5 contestants of the season but..never thought that he'd be gone so soon. As i mentioned before i never commiserated the sifted out contestants cos they really should be, for some reason. but for 乐轩 i really thought he could stay on the show further till final or something, he's got way more potential than the guy who did not get kicked out..he's got one unique voice and he could really turn excruciating tunes into melodious strains.. well sorta.. he once sang "The Blower's Daughter" by Damien Rice (this wasn't the excruciating tunes i was referring to lol) and i swear the god that blew my mind, well not entirely but i started to like his singing, it makes me feel comfortable and i can sense the overflowing sincerity and that is what that captures my whole me when i listen to him singing.

He's a hong kee, he went to uk to pursue a medical degree and for the sake of his interest which is singing, he decided to stop studying for a year and give 星光 a shot. He's sorta a singer songwriter i guess.. just to let you guys know something about him, i'm still feeling that it's such a pity to let him off the show! sigh what can do i'm no producer of the show.. btw the other reason i like about season 4 is that there's so much talent within, and now it's top 9, well top 8 after 乐轩's gone, and other than the guy who battled with 乐轩, i reckon they're all really talented and should all be the champion..lol but reality show can't be philanthropic can they.. gosh that's what i hate about reality, it's always so cruel.. *wishing to be brought to Neverland and getaway from the reality together with peter pan and the fairy tale fellas*

oh i noticed this was a grumpy and crabby post, please bear with that lol and sorry that i didn't brag anything myself in this post, like being overself-confident or something, i know some of you are missing that part of me ;) alright i'm still looking hot and handsome though i'm feeling sad..

well hope 乐轩 will be spotted by some music producers or whoever and sign him as a singer! i sure the hell i'm gonna buy his album if he publishes one..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFdBi0Gle7Y here's a link to him singing "The Blower's Daughter"..i couldn't seem to emb the vid here cos apparently it was disabled by the user, what a loser bastard..lol

here's another snippet of him singing 記念


did i sound like i was grieving over him? like a memorial speech that would normally be given on a funeral.. LOL.. gah my shoulder's aching my eye's urging me to close it..damn it.. oh well night eveyone i'm gonna have my sweet dream.. don't ever try to interrupt!

Streamyx totally rocks

Streamyx rocks doesn't it? it's been a month since i got back from perth and i've been so impressed by Streamyx's performances, like totally impressed.. i'm impressed. well here arises the question How impressed? here goes.

- Incredibly incomparably FAST internet connection speed. I'm really satisfied by the fact that it takes approx half an hour to load a 4 minute youtube video. Once it took me several attempts to merely open a webpage, well by several i mean NUMEROUS lol. but surprisingly it's like so the other way round when it comes to downloading stuffs, LEGAL downloading i was talking about, i'm a responsible peasant who does nothing that goes against the law. I'm so legallicaful.. LOL

- Amazingly unbelievably FAST internet connection speed.

- Crazily fabulously FAST internet connection speed.

- BracaObamatically fancifully FAST internet connection speed.

- FTW-ly WTF-ly FAST internet connection speed.


See the way i'm impressed? through the 5 points stated. wonder how can Sabahans live with this freaking 'achievement'. guess we're stronger than we think we are.. we're bloody FIGHTERS! we've been surviving the world's worst Streamyx disaster ever! i'm impressed.

Btw my profuse apology for the one and only one post for the previous month lol. have been so conquered by slothfulness that whenever i log on to Blogger i wet my pants... ha.. ha.. ha..

Lets see what went by when i was not around the blogosphere. hm first off, Christmas' eve, and Christmas (Merry Christmas!), followed by New Year's eve, New Year, and so and so.. well we pretty much gambled through most of these festivals, christmas' eve at my place new year's eve at chuchee's place. Gambling rocks! and i've made myself a promise that i'll crash the Top10 wealthiest people chart when i grow up.

when i grow up, i wanna be famous, i wanna be a star, i wanna be in movies, when i grow up, i wanna see the world, drive nice cars, i wanna have boobies, when i grow, be on tv, people know me, be on magazines.... (When I Grow Up - Pussycat Dolls)

lol what else.. oh! ttss new uniform! has anybody seen it? omg that is SICK! not in a good way loll.. imagine the little newbies wearing unfitted oversized plain light blue shirt with no stripes on it, with dark blue long pants, which makes them.. DWARFY! lol congrats ttss! for changing things around, making it worse. i'd like to attend the closing down ceremony of ttss sometime in the future. rest in peace my beloved high school. loll..

I have a cousin's wedding dinner to attend tonight at Sutera Magellan grand ballroom, i suppose lol. and the problem is, i haven't decided what to wear! gees.. 'just pick one already' you might say.. haha yes telepathy i have i'm a psychic prodigy. lol. well have to get ready for the dinner and brainstorm for how i should look tonight, you know, celebrity..

Ohhh Freedom! Freeeeeddoomm

Ohhh Freedom~ Freedom~ Freeeeedoom~ Think! (yea that song..lol..)

I'm unofficially free! yea, unofficially.. cos i'm only free for one night (i gave myself this one-night-in-freedom pass, the coolest pass ever!) and have to work my ass out starting tomorrow for the 100-MCQ molecular biology on Sat.. sadness :p

anyway, since i granted myself a night free, i think i'd do something meaningful. YES! clean up the dust herein.. well lets start off with "how's my week been"! as you know it's been a while since exam week commenced, and i, as a fellow Human Biology 2 taker had my very first exam during Swat Voc (the week before actual exam for you to get prepared, they call it that, weird..lol) it was only a practical though, nothing much to worry about since it was fairly easy last semester, and i totally aced it! i got 97% for the practical last semester for human bio 1..yes, round applause please, thank you. and FYI 97% was the highest mark. there were only few of us scoring this ultimate mark. YES, big round applause. thank you very much :p So for the one this semester, i think i screwed it up a little, by a little i literally mean A LITTLE since i'm a cocky guy, i will always overestimate myself..cos i'm COCKY! haha. punch me in my face if your annoyed.. ha! you can't! nani nani bubi nani nani bubi you can't catch me! xp

enough with the stupid childish thing lol.. oh one thing! one embarrassing thing. It was a mary-go-round pattern exam, so basically your given 2.5 minutes for one station, times up, move to the next station, 2.5 mins, times up, move.... until you finish all the questions (sounds exciting hey! yes it definitely was the exam with greatest fun lol) then during one 'move', it was a 180 total turn, i had to move to the station behind me (oh ya the prac is on a threesome basis, 3 students a station a time) and i was a little nervous cos i couldn't really get the answer for the previous station so i moved to the next station promptly thinking the previous question, then i looked at the question in front of me when i moved to the next station, it was Q3 where i was supposed to have Q6! what the hell! i was like totally freaked out and started biting my nails, looking worried, eyes shifting left and right and left, perspiring profusely, wetting my pants, burning my brain down...yes i was a little LOST at that moment..but it took less than 0.01sec for me to recover, lol, guess what, i sat on the wrong seat! i was supposed to be the third seat all the way to the end and at that particular making-ppl-nerve-racking station i sat on the 1st seat! omg! the girl was waiting for me to fudge off and we had this awkward little grin when we faced and i left the seat so clumsily that i kissed Jennifer Hawkins.. believe it or not, the whole process elapsed a total of....3 seconds! lol yes this whole paragraph happened in 3 secs. xD lalalalala~

after the prac on 06/11 i started studying sambil slacking for the crazily bombarding exams coming this week, which i actually did quite a good job on. (slacking i'm referring to hahahaa) i started doing revision on 100-MCQ on last Sat, which was so not yogurt yong, the guy who always does his stuff at the eleventh hour. lol. anyway, yea studying slacking and studying, and finally it was this monday, 10/11, only i started revising Chem which the exam was yesterday. my plan was like "okay i'll study chem on monday and do human bio on tuesday, fair enough" cos after chem which was yesterday i'd have like less than one day to study for human bio hence my plan. yes, "plan"..if i ever do things according to my plan, i'm possessed. LOL as usual i used up my entire body to study my heart out on monday, like the nerdest nerd you can ever imgaine of me, well, in the morning only though, i started watching dramas and facebooking and that summed up my night, which i was supposed to finish chem and i still had like 2 topics and past exam papers to go! omg! well i then told myself not to torture my body and i went to bed so peacefully that i had the weirdest dream i've ever had! not sure if i had that dream that night or the night before, anyway it was a funny dream haha.. totally unorganized and mussy fussy..

sorry bout that lol, i'll try to stick to the status quo! oohh stick to the status quo! HMS! lol.. then yup, as USUAL, i woke up on tuesday morning, glamorous sunshine shone magnificently through the window straight onto my good-lookingest face, procrastinated a little, breakfasting, enjoying the time of my life (lol) and finally the chem notes grasped my attention, the chem notes were like "bastard! you promised last night to study me!"...something like that..anyway, and i sat down, GUESS, WHAT,.. it was youtube time! lol..another half day gone, i only started studying for chem after that and @!$^!%@%^#%&^%!@^!^#^&Y (no, not swear words, that, my friend, is called "fast-forward", mark it down) then i sat the exam with whole lot of excitement and hope, and i came out of the hall looking desperately wanting to have some day off! lol. that was one hell of a controller btw, fast forawrded almost a day..HAHA! *slapped punched kicked stomped bitten eaten swollen* please bear with my randomness, i've been this random lately :p oh well. i had my human bio exam this afternoon, which was alright, i did a pretty mediocre job i guess, well, above average..maybe distinction..I'm a COCKY bad ass dude! *enough is enough!!* lol.. and here i am! doing meaningful stuff instead of preparing my funeral for the stats exam on next monday, make sure you make youselves available at that time, or i'll pester you with my never-dying-spirit. meow~ *i'm random~i'm random~*

actually this isn't what i wanted to post at first, and i ended up crapping so much, feeling so..LUCKY for you guys to have the chance to witness this great production of mine! your pleasure x-] oh ya the main point haha, finally, it's about aussie students..you know some of them, SOME, don't "pigeon-holing" yourself lol. yup SOME of them are like "i need to score only 30% in the exam to pass the unit! woohoo!" ...=.=... cos most of the exams here don't account like 70 or 80% to the unit final mark, most of them are like 50, max 65 or so.. and those aussies' attitudes.. i mean.. shoulnd't you be aiming for, say, at least a Credit or Distinction? PASS?! what the hell?! i even heard my friend from other uni say that her friends didn't even turn up for the exams cos it's only worth 30% of the total mark. WTF?! should this be the right attitude for studying? 中国文化历史悠久 孔子曰：“长江后浪推前浪， 前浪死在沙滩上” what a brilliant improvisation. i'm awesome. yup that's pretty much what i want to say.. step up fellas! credit! D! HD! not pass! lol.. i'm not that pissed actually, just thought that i might utilize this lame topic to rant for soemthing haha.

yay! long post! its been a while since i posted a long post. wooweee~ *kena tumbuk even harsher* better off to study now, yes, STUDY! which literally means..Grey's anatomy time! lol.. all the best guys ;)

STRESSED!

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! wish i could go all the way to beach and SCREAM out everything within me..i'm so so so STRESSED!! holy moses..but i have no idea what i'm stressing for..quite several reasons combine and give birth to this holy fucking stress..seriously..i'm really torn apart..fucked up..not that bad..just feeling horrible..well i guess here are some reasons i could come up with..

-spent the whole weekend slacking instead of doing something meaningful (assignment..)
-fucking unreasonably long hair..(not exactly that long but it's annoying me! constantly!)
-will i stay or will i go stuff..my mom just found out that IMU is really a high standard institute(in fact it is..) and seems like 80% of the chance i'm going there next year, which is so to my dismay..
-McD part time job thing..the one i intended to apply for is currently not hiring any staff..damn it..
-some other trivial matters which contribute to this whole STRESS thing..which is fucking annoying!!

i'm supposed to get in bed soon..but what the MARTA FOCKER i couldn't close my eyes..once i do terrible matters keep pestering me..those stressful fucking idiots..damn it..i'm so not good when it comes to stress management..never got into such fucked up emotion before..darn it..

one more thing..i'm feeling terribly empty right now..like i've done nothing and have nothing to do..totally helpless feeling which i hate the most! what the fak..something please! fill me up! whatever it is just please..make me feel better..

gees..hopefully i'll get better tmr..and hopefully everything goes well..hopefully..

Sick of sickness

so sick..sick of being sick..sick sucks..gees..i wonder if god is fooling me..
ulcers on both lips and tongue, sore throat, back aching, running nose..could it be any worse?!

ulcers, how i caused mine? here's the story. Once upon a time, there was a yogurt talking joyfully while he was enjoying his lunch as well..in only few minutes time, he had talked the crap out of his ass without noticing that he was still eating..poor him..just when his story-telling hit the climax...AAHH! He BIT his lips! it was alright if he bit once..i have totally no idea why on earth i could bit my lips 3 times in a row in only this brief lunch time..fucking ridiculous lol..

perhaps my other disastrous illnesses are all complications of ulcers..haha..i could barely eat the whole day today..i was struggling to stuff food into my mouth during dinner..i didn't have my lunch lol..speaking of which, breakfast..gosh..total nightmare..i woke up this morning and realized the ulcer on my tongue..what the fuck..wonder how it popped out in one night..sandwiches were prepared by my homestay aunty this morning..yea the tasty ones for sure haha..but this whole sick thing caused me my appetite..i was like eating faeces with thorns and splinters..everytime i tried to place the sandwich into my mouth n tore it like i always do..fucking ulcers came out and said,"hey moron! i'm here! don't you dare ignoring me!" then it gave me this sort of labouring pain..damn..couldnt even enjoy eating such yummy food..shame on you ulcers!

right now i'm doing some kind of pre-study for my human bio tutorial tmr..trying so hard to look for details online..but the villains with "ulcers the uttermost-bad-bad-captain" are defending their territory, which is "making yogurt yong feel as sick as possible territory"..OH MY GOD! leave me alone schmucks! hopefully the medicines i just took can help shooing them away..

p/s: i hate ulcers!

Winter = Rainy season = ANNOYING!

raining raining~ ooh baby it's raining raining~ ella ella eh eh under my umberella~
Yo! it's Rihanna! the umbrella! lol..forgive me for saying such a lame thing..well u cant actually blame me..cause it's raining raining~ ooh baby it's raining raining XD It's been raining since winter started..luckily it's winter, or i swear rain + hotness = best way of committing suicide! unfortunately there are still some fellows out there suffering from the "suicide peak season" thing haha..it's really driving me nuts..seriously..once it starts raining, it's not gonna rain the whole day long..well it is but not the way of continuous raining..it rains for 10 mins then break for another 5..there comes another 30mins peeing and 10 mins drizzling..gees..the worst part..i broke my umbrella! it was a stormy afternoon and i was taking my way to bus stop under this beautiful rain..i didn't bother to open my umbrella but the downpour was getting heavier and heavier so..i took it out and i was supposed to open it..yea i did..but guess i was too pissed by the rain that i over push the umbrella and it was broken! damn..and i ended up showering under the rain.. =.=

there was one more..happened just few hours ago..i had my molecular bio lab at QE2, a hospital..doing something DNA extraction..trust me..it was boring..anyway before i walked into that building it was still sunny like sunshine never fades~ whatever i then busy working on the lab thing extracting DNA from chicken liver cell..lol~ guess what..whenever there's a lab, i always tend to be the last one to leave..so does joyce..since we're partners wuakaka.. i felt quite embarrassed cause i had to let my demonstrator (let's call him John..in fact..his name is john lol) wait for me to get my stuff done..what a shame..anyway he's a nice guy so i guess he wouldn't mind? XD "Yes! i'm done!" what a relief..and joyce n john n myself walking out tat building..what we saw was something totally distracting..it was raining! cats n dogs! damn..then i heard "What a nuisance..(giggle)"..john popped this out..LOL~he seriously got it right..it was a nuisance..then i got my ass out to the rain since i had to do so to get to the bus stop..damn it was so far away! i finally got there n gees..no roof? only a timetable stand?! and one thing..the bus just went away in front of me! wtf..so i had to wait for another 15 mins..gosh that was the longest 15 mins i've ever experienced.. luckily it wasn't raining so bad at the moment..AT THE MOMENT..i'm really strongly emphasizing this one..since the next second i had this thought, a car passed by and the water on the road nearly splashed all over me! damn! the next sec..GOD~i wonder if god was eavesdropping..it rained so heavy that i had to run to the opposite bus stop with a roof to shoo the rain away..anyway i would have to face the reality that my umbrella was broken..i still had to walk back to the bus stand eventually..under the rain! without an umbrella! gosh..i got on the bus in the end and thank god i arrived home safely! gotta get myself an umbrella sooner..i had really had enough rain today lol~enough is enough! wuakakaka..but it's hard to find an unbreakable and designed-to-be-carried-along and reasonably priced umbrella..so i guess the rain still gets to play with me for the next few days =.= FYI, it's gonna rain throughout this entire week..HELP~~

What to do?

It has been ages since I cried. I can still recall myself crying on the plane the day I left my friends and family to pursue my study oversea. That doesn't sound like something that I should cry for, I just couldn't control the tears from shedding and my body from trembling, or perhaps twitching, the harder I tried to inhibit it from occurring, my body just went the opposite way and turned out trembling even more terrible. PUFF. I cried, just like that, like my life was over. I was trying so damn hard to hide my emotion but I failed. That was a crying of reluctance of separation. After all the settling down here at Perth and things went pretty well as they seemed, I then realized that the world wasn't over so soon. Few months later, I cried again...

Just a few minutes before this post, I spilt my tears, it was merely a mild weeping though, this time, was a weeping of don't-know-what-to-do, my mind was in a total chaos,or call it dilemma, I felt so helpless, never felt worse since my 1st day here. Well, here's the reason..

It's gonna be the 2nd semester of my 1st year study, for sure, tuition fees should be paid before the term starts, which is 28 July. For some of you might know, my family is not wealthy at all, I should consider myself so lucky that I get to study here. FYI, It's not my mom who renders all the expenses and tuition fee, my aunt does. I know it's not a small amount for me to complete my study here, rising of Aussie dollars somewhat burdens my aunt and family more. So I understand that I shouldn't take all these for granted and I never did (but I've been a little out of control recently cause this holiday bores me so much that I keep spending money on unnecessary things). Until just now, I called my aunt for the 2nd semester tuition fee. I was struggling to call her cause it's always so uneasy to ask someone especially an elder for money, I spent almost a week to build up my mind and finally, I made my call (it was so tough, believe me, it was tougher than you could imagine).

My heart was beating so rapidly, adrenalin level rose so spontaneously, perspiration dripping all over my body, I was so near to suffocation. gosh!.. alright, that's a little off-limit haha. She picked up her phone, there I started my taking-me-one-week and not well prepared "speech". I thought that was all I needed to do and she's gonna pay all my fees until the day I graduate, that had made up my thoughts leastwise. I wasn't expecting any other questions from my aunt, at least not some out of the blue questions. She started asking me about the scholarship thing that I applied for before I came here, I told her that there still hasn't been any word about it yet. She then said something kinda harsh, maybe she didn't mean to be rough but her words just didn't come out right for me, she asked me why I would make my decision so hastily to study here before the scholarship thing's done, she said that I should wait for the scholarship to be adopted before I made up my mind to go anywhere else, and she said that how I could be going to study oversea without any confirmation of the scholarship thing. Frankly speaking, I was stunned by what my aunt just said, not blaming her for those words but perhaps I'm just too sensitive to perceive something so..sensitive. For the fact that she has her own children to take care of, I really couldn't charge her for saying something like that. She then asked me if it's possible to carry over my study at KL and back to Perth during my final year, which I'm very reluctant of. I would have done that if I wanted to do so for the first time. Not that I'm dissing those who study in KL, it's just personal. She told me that it would be nicer if I continue my following years in KL so that it won't be such a great burden on her since she still has two kids to worry about. She would still pay for the 2nd semester tuition fee though. I told her with fully unwillingness that I would try to contact my agent if she could help me with all these, tears were brimming at that second.

I was enjoying a show called "Whose line is it anyway?" at the moment with cookies in my mouth, still laughing my ass off before the call. Totally dazed after the conversation with my aunt, leaving myself with my cookies and the comedy on the screen, I felt lonely, scared, somehow petrified, as I said, helpless, cause I don't want to pack my bags to KL next year! But it's the reality that leaves me no choice, AAHHH! I was in so a contradiction. I hate this feeling, and right after she hung up, I cried. Staring at my laptop screen showing the everyone-laughing-scene, I couldn't even fake a smile. A part of me was thinking to accept the reality but another part of me was strongly opposing that idea. After the crying-out-not-so-loud, I tried to calm myself and here I am, typing all these, phew~feeling much better now, maybe crying helped nothing but at least, letting out my emotion making me feel so much easier. I realize that I should really do something other than plain crying like a baby, just that I don't like to deal with such situation, it makes me hate myself for being so useless that I can't even help with these things, the only thing I'm capable of is to do my best in this 2nd semester, and spend money wisely and carefully. I'm so much comforted after typing my thoughts out, gonna call my mom for a little discussion tomorrow. Hope I can sleep my night out peacefully later, don't mess me up, nightmare!

P.S. I really want to stay! ='(

气到炸 + 闷到爆

也没那么气啦 不过闷到爆是完全没有夸张的成分 闷死我啦!

气 气什么咧? 还不是看完星光3败部复活赛 把自己气到血脉喷张 七孔流血 体无完肤 面目全非 =.= 总之就是气!

为何把自己搞得那么气? 反正都与我无关..

理论上是这样没错 但身为星光忠实观众 眼看着星光从第一届单纯的比赛 到现在第三届乱七八糟的 真是闻者流泪啊~（流个屁泪啊XD）

所谓的乱七八糟 不是参赛者 我个人觉得是评审的问题 第一届时评审都用超严格的标准看待选手 到了第三届 可能评审们是中了邪 嗑错药 评分都乱乱来的 尤其是众所瞩目的踢馆赛 吼~很明显地评审为了要保住某些选手而给分都失去了常规..

就拿徐佳莹来说好了 她的创作是没话说 但她那次在踢馆赛碰到对手女高音洪子涵时的表现（有一个故事）明显比她上周的表现（圆舞曲）来的逊 而评审为了把徐保住就给她比上周（20分）还高的分数（21分） 就为了徐不被对手击败而给到与对手相同的分数 这哪门子的道理啊?! 我是满喜欢徐的啦 但比赛就是为求公正嘛 这什么东东啊..

就像这次的败部复活赛（一个让已被淘汰的选手能重返星光舞台的环节 第一届根本就没有这种多余的东西 到了第二届节目为了把某些不慎被淘汰的高材生挽救回来而设了这样的一个环节） 一个实力超强的踢馆者孙碧娜（韩国人）演唱顺子的“回家” 有耳朵都听得出来是一段20分以上的演唱 而她却只获得了19分 反观之前已被淘汰的选手赖圣恩 只凭着自编舞蹈就获得18分 评审也有说赖的歌唱是跟不上舞蹈的 难道就为了决赛有个能跳舞的就把赖救回来吗? 那岂不是对其他的选手不公吗?! 什么态度..

徐佳莹自创曲“圆舞曲”（20分）


徐佳莹自创曲“有一个故事”（21分）


孙碧娜“回家”（19分）


赖圣恩“竹林深处/第五街的诱惑组曲”（18分）


过去让他过去 来不及 从头喜欢你 白云缠绕着蓝天 啊~..........（林晓培-心动 这首歌突然浮现在脑海中XD）

说到都气 算了啦 反正第一届最棒就对了~XD 林宥嘉赞啦~

说完气到爆 是时候谈谈闷到爆了XD
怎么个闷法呢?
工作还没找着..不知何时才能找到.. 电脑又有问题..软体硬体 问题通通都来凑热闹..=.=网路也在日渐减速当中..
S.O.S!!

P/S: 为什么人类要生智慧齿? 痛死了!

为什么只有一部车!!

对! 我家穷嘛~只能供得起一部车..但我家里有两个有驾车执照的人:我&我妈.. 所以常常会有不能两全其美的情况发生..

就拿明天来说, 我计划好要到NS探望"狱友"的, 却忘了新年将至,必需去扫货(新衣 新底裤之类的) 加上我妈明天准备好了贺年礼物准备四处去送礼..要四处跑,首要条件当然是车嘛! 所以我就只好跟着车子跑咯~ 因为我那副旧的隐形眼镜度数有点不适合了(近期对电脑太多的关系 近视深了!!) 所以就必须赶在新年前配副新的..如果我有车的话 我就能在配完隐形眼镜 扫完货后驾车上NS了..只可惜..我没车!! XD

没法咯..只好辜负我那位友人了 XD 虽然已算是答应了她 不去探望她似乎有点衰仔..哎~ 也不用紧啦..反正过几天她就出来了 那时再一起疯吧~ XD



愿望:
明天醒来时发现院子里多了一辆车 那就太完美了~nyahahahahaha~

Server busy?!

hey guys, i'm really having problems uploading photos to my blog recently..just wanna ask if u guys encountering the same matter with me? or i'm the only one facing these stupid problems?
oh god! it really drives me nuts! it has been days i couldnt stuff my photos into my blog..what a disaster! so, just let me know if anyone out there is having the same matter with me..or just simply tell me the solution..that would be much better wuakakaka^^

thanks a lot!