What to do?

It has been ages since I cried. I can still recall myself crying on the plane the day I left my friends and family to pursue my study oversea. That doesn't sound like something that I should cry for, I just couldn't control the tears from shedding and my body from trembling, or perhaps twitching, the harder I tried to inhibit it from occurring, my body just went the opposite way and turned out trembling even more terrible. PUFF. I cried, just like that, like my life was over. I was trying so damn hard to hide my emotion but I failed. That was a crying of reluctance of separation. After all the settling down here at Perth and things went pretty well as they seemed, I then realized that the world wasn't over so soon. Few months later, I cried again...

Just a few minutes before this post, I spilt my tears, it was merely a mild weeping though, this time, was a weeping of don't-know-what-to-do, my mind was in a total chaos,or call it dilemma, I felt so helpless, never felt worse since my 1st day here. Well, here's the reason..

It's gonna be the 2nd semester of my 1st year study, for sure, tuition fees should be paid before the term starts, which is 28 July. For some of you might know, my family is not wealthy at all, I should consider myself so lucky that I get to study here. FYI, It's not my mom who renders all the expenses and tuition fee, my aunt does. I know it's not a small amount for me to complete my study here, rising of Aussie dollars somewhat burdens my aunt and family more. So I understand that I shouldn't take all these for granted and I never did (but I've been a little out of control recently cause this holiday bores me so much that I keep spending money on unnecessary things). Until just now, I called my aunt for the 2nd semester tuition fee. I was struggling to call her cause it's always so uneasy to ask someone especially an elder for money, I spent almost a week to build up my mind and finally, I made my call (it was so tough, believe me, it was tougher than you could imagine).

My heart was beating so rapidly, adrenalin level rose so spontaneously, perspiration dripping all over my body, I was so near to suffocation. gosh!.. alright, that's a little off-limit haha. She picked up her phone, there I started my taking-me-one-week and not well prepared "speech". I thought that was all I needed to do and she's gonna pay all my fees until the day I graduate, that had made up my thoughts leastwise. I wasn't expecting any other questions from my aunt, at least not some out of the blue questions. She started asking me about the scholarship thing that I applied for before I came here, I told her that there still hasn't been any word about it yet. She then said something kinda harsh, maybe she didn't mean to be rough but her words just didn't come out right for me, she asked me why I would make my decision so hastily to study here before the scholarship thing's done, she said that I should wait for the scholarship to be adopted before I made up my mind to go anywhere else, and she said that how I could be going to study oversea without any confirmation of the scholarship thing. Frankly speaking, I was stunned by what my aunt just said, not blaming her for those words but perhaps I'm just too sensitive to perceive something so..sensitive. For the fact that she has her own children to take care of, I really couldn't charge her for saying something like that. She then asked me if it's possible to carry over my study at KL and back to Perth during my final year, which I'm very reluctant of. I would have done that if I wanted to do so for the first time. Not that I'm dissing those who study in KL, it's just personal. She told me that it would be nicer if I continue my following years in KL so that it won't be such a great burden on her since she still has two kids to worry about. She would still pay for the 2nd semester tuition fee though. I told her with fully unwillingness that I would try to contact my agent if she could help me with all these, tears were brimming at that second.

I was enjoying a show called "Whose line is it anyway?" at the moment with cookies in my mouth, still laughing my ass off before the call. Totally dazed after the conversation with my aunt, leaving myself with my cookies and the comedy on the screen, I felt lonely, scared, somehow petrified, as I said, helpless, cause I don't want to pack my bags to KL next year! But it's the reality that leaves me no choice, AAHHH! I was in so a contradiction. I hate this feeling, and right after she hung up, I cried. Staring at my laptop screen showing the everyone-laughing-scene, I couldn't even fake a smile. A part of me was thinking to accept the reality but another part of me was strongly opposing that idea. After the crying-out-not-so-loud, I tried to calm myself and here I am, typing all these, phew~feeling much better now, maybe crying helped nothing but at least, letting out my emotion making me feel so much easier. I realize that I should really do something other than plain crying like a baby, just that I don't like to deal with such situation, it makes me hate myself for being so useless that I can't even help with these things, the only thing I'm capable of is to do my best in this 2nd semester, and spend money wisely and carefully. I'm so much comforted after typing my thoughts out, gonna call my mom for a little discussion tomorrow. Hope I can sleep my night out peacefully later, don't mess me up, nightmare!

P.S. I really want to stay! ='(

气到炸 + 闷到爆

也没那么气啦 不过闷到爆是完全没有夸张的成分 闷死我啦!

气 气什么咧? 还不是看完星光3败部复活赛 把自己气到血脉喷张 七孔流血 体无完肤 面目全非 =.= 总之就是气!

为何把自己搞得那么气? 反正都与我无关..

理论上是这样没错 但身为星光忠实观众 眼看着星光从第一届单纯的比赛 到现在第三届乱七八糟的 真是闻者流泪啊~（流个屁泪啊XD）

所谓的乱七八糟 不是参赛者 我个人觉得是评审的问题 第一届时评审都用超严格的标准看待选手 到了第三届 可能评审们是中了邪 嗑错药 评分都乱乱来的 尤其是众所瞩目的踢馆赛 吼~很明显地评审为了要保住某些选手而给分都失去了常规..

就拿徐佳莹来说好了 她的创作是没话说 但她那次在踢馆赛碰到对手女高音洪子涵时的表现（有一个故事）明显比她上周的表现（圆舞曲）来的逊 而评审为了把徐保住就给她比上周（20分）还高的分数（21分） 就为了徐不被对手击败而给到与对手相同的分数 这哪门子的道理啊?! 我是满喜欢徐的啦 但比赛就是为求公正嘛 这什么东东啊..

就像这次的败部复活赛（一个让已被淘汰的选手能重返星光舞台的环节 第一届根本就没有这种多余的东西 到了第二届节目为了把某些不慎被淘汰的高材生挽救回来而设了这样的一个环节） 一个实力超强的踢馆者孙碧娜（韩国人）演唱顺子的“回家” 有耳朵都听得出来是一段20分以上的演唱 而她却只获得了19分 反观之前已被淘汰的选手赖圣恩 只凭着自编舞蹈就获得18分 评审也有说赖的歌唱是跟不上舞蹈的 难道就为了决赛有个能跳舞的就把赖救回来吗? 那岂不是对其他的选手不公吗?! 什么态度..

徐佳莹自创曲“圆舞曲”（20分）


徐佳莹自创曲“有一个故事”（21分）


孙碧娜“回家”（19分）


赖圣恩“竹林深处/第五街的诱惑组曲”（18分）


过去让他过去 来不及 从头喜欢你 白云缠绕着蓝天 啊~..........（林晓培-心动 这首歌突然浮现在脑海中XD）

说到都气 算了啦 反正第一届最棒就对了~XD 林宥嘉赞啦~

说完气到爆 是时候谈谈闷到爆了XD
怎么个闷法呢?
工作还没找着..不知何时才能找到.. 电脑又有问题..软体硬体 问题通通都来凑热闹..=.=网路也在日渐减速当中..
S.O.S!!

P/S: 为什么人类要生智慧齿? 痛死了!

Face of the Future

wonder how yourself look like when you grow older and older? worry about how ugly you might become when you are a 70-year-old? (lol..that sounds so much like ad..haha)
i found a website where you can foresee your future look! how cool is that! But please, don't expect something sophisticated coming out..it's merely a simple entertaining tool..so, try it out! i find it kinda funny though..you can even transform yourself into Caucasian, Afro-Carribean, West-Asian, Baby, Child, Adult, and for sure a Chimp! hilarious~XD experience it! :)

the most original version of myself XD
first up, my baby look
my look in 50 years i guess, kinda creepy though =.=
my Caucasian look! XD
if i were a west-asian..
this one is so LOL~it looks surprisingly like someone elseXD this is my afro-carribean look

and last but not least..a Chimp! lol..

Freedom: good thing? or catastrophe?

WARNING: long post ahead! well maybe not that long..get yourself well prepared and make sure you pee before reading the following content..XD


Exam's finally over! congrats man! Jesus..being a last minuter is always not an easy thing..though i've told myself like thousand times not to tolerate with procrastination, i could barely resist the temptations around me..i had 5 exams, for 4 units, with 2 of them i did the dilly-dallying thing..the 2 unlucky subjects were psychology and chemistry..which happened to be my first and last exam..gosh! i was like cramming the whole encyclopedia-like psychology textbook crazily the day before the actual exam and i spent that whole daylong from 5am to 1am(lets see..20 hours! wow..) on that book..my brain didnt work really well during the exam though..damn it..for chem, i got started right the night before like..4 or 5pm? luckily chem exam was at 2pm the next day so i managed to finish all the lecture slides and what i wasn't expecting was the chem paper came out with the exactly same things from those tutorial notes! Jesus Christ! well..should have known that earlier..XD so, people out there, here's a piece of advice, never do things in the eleventh hour! that kills you! yea i was murdered several times in my brain-body slaughter..but..i'm ALIVE!! i survived the exam! thank god for that haha..

i was so deadly excited like everyone else when the bell rang..that meant exam was over!! one of my friends was screaming like a lunatic jumping up n down like a schizophrenic patient..well..that was kinda swt..XD i purposely stayed at my place until the very last moment during the last exam..although i finished the paper way earlier than the time..come on~it was the last time sitting in tat place for this semester..sure i appreciated it much..lol..XD and guess what..it was time for for emancipation! Let's get the party started! =.= i went back home afterwards and started slacking around like i struck the jackpot..never have been so relaxed! but here's the problem..i got bored after the slacking moment i had..nth to play..nth to watch..nth to do! and that's why i titled it as "catastrophe"..and thats what so called human nature..XD when you're stifled working on something, u wish u could have nothing to do, but when you have nothing to do, u wish u could have something to do..gosh..typical human being..XD

Did i ever mention that i'm gonna look for a part-time job during this one-month winter holiday? i assume i did..lol..well here's another matter pestering me..what kind of job should i find? McDonald's? KFC? or Woolworth? Coles? or apply for sth like waiter? and how am i gonna fit into those "co-workers"? cause u know..i have this kind of phobia..i call it "Caucasianphobia"..i'm so timid when it comes to talking to caucasians..not all of them..but to my peers..like those teenagers of my age..weird huh? well perhaps i'm not confident enough with my communication skill n my english speaking..cause i always talk to my friends like i'm stammering all the time..guess i have to practice more? -.- maybe i'm just being paranoid..way too paranoid.. What goes around goes around goes around comes all the way back around~yeah~ lol~XDD

Speaking about movies, yeap..admit it..you're a movie freak yogurt yong! yea of course i am..i always am..i'm not crowned this title for nth..i've watched each n every movie showing now in the cinema here..except The Hulk..but gonna make it next week or so..XD seriously..since i came here, i've watched tonnes of movies like i never did in kk..want me to list the movies out? alright alright i know u're desperate knowing it..XD the 1st i watched was 10000B.C, followed by Step up 2 the streets, Prom night, Superhero, Iron man, Made of honour, What happens in vegas, Untraceable, Indiana Jones 4, 21, Sex and the city, Narnia: Prince Caspian, Speed racer, Kungfu Panda, You don't mess with Zohan, and the happening..16 movies..they probably cost me nearly 180 bucks or so..lol~i can buy original DVDs in kk with this amount! crap..now i realize how bad my willpower is..but hey! life without movies is not called LIFE! well that's personal though XD maybe i can set up my business like..establishing cinemas? movies? being a director? an actor? hmm..not a bad idea though..i'll think about it..*pondering seriously..utterly frowning eyebrows* XD

Hiatus

yea..exam's on going..wont show up until i survive through the whole thing XD

see u guys soon~
dont miss me..
and..pray for me!! XD

i will always love you (all)~~

Cheers,
yog

A Day of Fortune

yea..as stated..it was my very day of luck! XD story happened 2 days ago..Wednesday....

i had my last chem tutorial for this hell-like semester..class ended at 6pm..as usual..sky turned dark..it was completely terrifyingly dark..sth like 8pm in KK.. and also as usual..i took a bus home.. and there.. after i alighted at the bus stop near my house..sth unusual was going on.. i smelt the odour of BBQ..i was like..damn~who the hell was having a bbq party..without inviting me?! how dare =.= then when i approached my house..i saw a total blackout.. the first thought flashing over my mind was: out of electricity? short circuit? tiada karent? well then only i found out when i saw my housemates holding torches pacing up and down.. the kitchen was on fire! Oh My Gosh!! Could tat be happening? damn! i missed a fire! should have come back earlier to witness the gorgeous burning flame..XD cause of the fire..we couldnt even entered thru the front door since it was too black to walk..which made the kitchen's back door the entrance.. well i was kinda overwhelmed by the fire at the moment honestly..i kept asking my housemate questions about the fire..then i knew..it was caused by Unattended-Deep-Frying-Fish~(UDFF) XD my host mother was out for sth..leaving the cooking fish..with open fire..she didnt tell my other housemates tat she was going out..only when my housemate(Belinda,24, IT postgrad student, other 'hostee' like me from kk) smelt sth really smoky n choking..(both of them were sleeping at the moment the fire blasting XD) then right after..she heard fire alarm ringing! she prompted my other housemate(Herbert, 20, medicine student, one of the family members of my host family) who was also enjoying his deep sleep to the kitchen n checked out what was wrong..n they were like Oh my gosh! how?! should we turned the fire off? yea..i could imagine their hilarious panicking reaction XD according to their words..the fire was burning vigorously..only on the scope of the cooking range..other areas werent really affected much..n when the fire was on its way..it burnt down the "smoke sucker" above n the whole thing was like crashing to the ground..n that freaked my housemates' asses a goddamned lot..XDD

yea back to the part tat we needed to enter using back door..since the wall of the kitchen is completely made by glass..so what i saw was a range with totally black ash n SMOKE! i could barely see the whole thing clearly since my other housemate(Patrick, 24, Pharmacist, Herbert's bro) cut the electricity off..perhaps to prevent the house from explosing? who knows..XD yea clearly..the funniest part was the 3 of us(Belinda Herbert n myself) had a test the next day! Belinda was gonna have her very last exam..Herbert was gonna have his clinical practical test stuff n a lil lil lil tiny lab quiz for lucky me~XD we were like..shit..fail..lol~ call me a loyal guy..cause after the fire incident Herbert brought Belinda n me to my uni's library to study..which made me a loyal UWA student..who would ever go back n forth between home n school in only like an hour interval? yup..tat would be me! prizes pls~lol~ after tat the current thingy was fixed n we went back home..here was the 1st part of being LUCKY =.=

now..here comes a serious one.. i was doing revision for the test tmr as a last-minute preparation after we came back from uni n i tried to restart my comp since sth was so wrong..then..i press RESTART..n for sure..the comp restarted =.= then.. i encountered problem shutting down the comp..so i senka-ly pulled the plug off from my comp n started up again..that was the stupidest thing i've ever done..since i did tat for quite a sometimes before n everything was perfectly alright..but for this time..i started up my comp..not working..ok..maybe the comp was mad at me for being rude to him..so i tried again..couldnt work at all!! i was like what the fuck r u trying to joke with me? come on! i have a test tmr! cant u save ur angriness for the next time after exam?! well..it tunred out not working at all..i started to crumble..even worse when Patrick told me my hard disk collapsed..i was like..WTF?! dont fool me around man i have heart attack!! then i totally crumbled hearing these words..my photos-of-memories..videos..movies..songs..lecture notes..bookmarks..all gone?! dont scare me!! gosh..i really felt like crying out loud..

well..Patrick fixed the thing for me until 3sth..a.m...i couldnt study at all though he asked me not to worry about it..sigh~how could i be no worry for that? my laptop was out! hello?! SIGH~couldnt be bothered more to study..cause my mind was abetting me to go to bed..n poor lil me..i complied with my mind..n well for the lab quiz the next day i got 6 out of 10..where almost everyone got like 8 or 9 over 10..=.= well at least it wasnt tat bad like..fail? no way..XD before the test..when i was giving it a shot to start the comp up..n..know what? it worked!! damn i was so excited! thank god..then there i went to uni..but when i came back from uni with a wholehearted of hope n plan with my comp..it stucked..again!! damn..but for this time i was like tapping all around the laptop n tried again..n..for god's sake..it was working!! woolala~n it has been working since then..until now..hopefully it wont burst out n break down again..i wont be able to withstand this kind of cruel barbarous savage brutal inhuman treatment! no more! n please~~ no more for me.. XDD

btw, just now went to Carousel(the largest shopping mall in Perth) with Belinda n Harald..we watched Sex and the City!! that was such a cool movie..though the trailer seems boring to me but surprisingly..i love the movie~ but the prob is..those women are so old =.= anyway..i dont think Sex and the City is permitted on Malaysia's screen..if it does then for sure..it's way rated..cause it's unrated version we watched n we can even see women's tits nipples n guy's dick..oh man..tat was the most exciting part of all~(im not that kind of person XDD) well other than SEX..there r still other elements like friendship n stuff tat u can find out in the movie..of course indispensable material: Branded stuff!! Louis Vuitton, Versace, Dior, Gucci...damn! i want!! XDD

6..anything special about '6'?

I'm still wondering..why 6.. =.=

6 things I'm passionate about;
* Music (listening to music), Singing (trust me..im not a good singer)
* Movies
* Eating
* Visiting new places
* Watching singing competition (e.g. American Idol~)
* Hanging out with friends


6 things I say too often;
* Are you serious?!
* Yea..
* you know.. like..
* Oh my god/gosh/goodness!
* Damn..
* Hey~


6 books I've read recently;
* Psychology textbook
* Anatomy Physiology: the Unity of Form and Function
* Ikea catalogue
* (i dont read books!)
* (i dont read books!)
* (i dont read books!)


6 songs I could listen to over & over again;
* In This Moment - David Archuleta
* So Close - Jon Mclaughlin
* Come Home - One Republic
* Mad World - Gary Jules
* Breathless - Shayne Ward
* Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis

6 things I learnt for the past year;
* appreciate every opportunity that comes to you
* appreciate every moment with friends and family
* sleeping is always the best damn thing ever
* never do things at the eleventh hour (if u hate ur bed then please, do so XD)
* never be overwhelmed by feeling of satisfaction
* spend money wisely! money doesnt drop from the sky..

6 people to tag;
* Renge
* Tenze
* 均均
* Rachel
* Elaine
* Maxea